The Series … That cannot be named.

This is going to be the beginning of a series. But I don’t know what to call it. Because I don’t know what I want.

And that’s kinda the whole point of this. I don’t know what I want. And I’m using this year, starting today, to figure it out.

I do big things on June 4 (like starting a business or traveling across the world or almost having a baby). It’s my birthday and I really find that I’m more reflective on June 4 than on January 1. I don’t want to think about everyone else’s timeline, I want to think about mine. And my new year happens to be on June 4. So Happy New Year to me.

I have more energy this time of year. The summer always wakes me up a little inside. The sun stays out and my brain turns on. As I’ve approached this birthday, this season of being awake, I’ve realized I want to be more strategic with it.

I’m 32 today. In years past, I’ve just gone with the flow of things, allowing my curiosities to drive me. I haven’t really set out with a plan other than wanting to achieve great, big things. 

I think I’m past that now. I don’t want to strive for greatness. I don’t need to be known by anyone other than my closest people. My big dream is to settle down and to show up for my life every day with excellence. If that means mom-ing hard without changing out of PJ’s one day and being Professional Patsy for a client the next, that’s enough. It doesn’t need to be 17 things at once. 

But what does that mean? What am I settling into? That’s the golden question and I’m going to use this year to answer it.

Rather than following curiosities, I’m going to actively seek answers. I’m going to study (along with all the other millennials) all the content out there that is designed to answer the question: “What do you want?”

At the most basic level, I know that I want to be doing this: writing for other people and taking photos. And that I want to be married to Travis and a mom to EP (hashtag DUH). And I know that I want to stay happy. And I do believe that happiness is a choice. But I also know that I long for contentment. And I believe that contentment comes from practice. So I have to build a life and a business that both leave room for practice. 

I’m going to focus on gratitude, naming emotions, daily rituals, personal writing and reflection, presence over distraction, and leaning into the people in my life who I trust. I plan to use a combination of self-help books/podcasts, my own instinct, and my faith. Most importantly, I’m publishing this on the internet for a healthy dose of accountability. 

My goal is to post about this monthly. This is basically a self-indulgent journey of finding myself. But hopefully, the resources I find and the tools I use can become a sort of curriculum for others. 

No, I don’t think discovering my life’s vocation is as easy as reading a few books. But I do think that the worst thing that could happen is me getting to the end of the year with a little more self-awareness.

I say this all the time, but I am nothing if not an over-sharer. I love connecting with other people through vulnerability, humor, and a lot of “Me too dude.” This is that and if it connects me with one other person who is right here with me, it’s worth it.

If you want to be a part of this:

1. Help me name it. I will post on the blog and on Instagram with a hashtag so we can all do this together. What shall I name this project?

2. Send me your resources. Do you have a book or podcast or human who helped you achieve contentment? I wanna hear about it.

3. Holler at me. Tell me that you’re in this spot too and what would be valuable to hear about from me. I’m an open book, I just need to know what you wanna know.

That’s all for now. Can’t wait to overshare on the internet some more!